


Years Gone By

by Moonlight_Blue_Rose



Series: ShinIchi raindrops [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Shinichi weekend 2020, Touch-Starved, bed/clothes sharing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23351329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlight_Blue_Rose/pseuds/Moonlight_Blue_Rose
Summary: Ichigo was fifteen when he met Rukia. It changed everything.Ichigo was fifteen when the shinigami shenanigans started, when Rukia gave him her powers, when he started talking to Ishida and Inoue, when something started spreading in his chest, warm and pleasant, lifting the heaviness he didn't know was there and he felt himself take a breath for the first time in a long, long time. He was fifteen when Rukia was taken and they went to take her back. He was fifteen when Aizen Sousuke betrayed The Gotei 13 and when he kidnapped Inoue.Ichigo was fifteen when he fought in a war against a madman.
Relationships: Hirako Shinji/Kurosaki Ichigo
Series: ShinIchi raindrops [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1680442
Comments: 3
Kudos: 165
Collections: ShinIchi Weekend 2020





	1. The passage of time

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this with the 'Touch-starved' prompt in mind but later realised it went in another direction altogether. Tomorrow I'll update the second part which is fluffier bc it's 2 am and I'm dead tired. Hope you enjoyed everybody!

Ichigo was seven when hugs were mandatory and cuddles with his sisters were unavoidable and every time before bed there were kisses on his forehead.

Ichigo was nine when his whole world came crushing down and he was left alone with his sisters holding onto him like a lifeline.

  
Back then, he couldn't help but hold them like they were all he had left too.

Ichigo was eleven when his father started surprising attacks as a training and told him to man up. So Ichigo learned to swallow the bile in his throat, to hold the tears in and smile for his family everyday. He built his walls up and up and up and continued taking care of his sisters while holding everyone, even Tatsuki, at arm's length. He was 'the one who protects', he was a man and had to take care of himself, he had to be strong, he _had_ to.

He didn't realise when his smiles turned into fiery scowls and there was a permanent furrow between his brows.

  
_(It was then and there when the edges of him started to crumble into nothing, unstable and broken and unhealed as they were.)_

Ichigo was thirteen, beating up the people who corner him for his orange hair and helping ghosts he can in any way possible. His scowl was deep and his life monotone. Something itched in the back of his throat.

  
(There was flame burning in his heart to protect protect protect. It almost drowned out the waves of _myfault myfault myfault_ )

Ichigo was fourteen when Karin almost never needed him to protect her and he found himself missing the times she hugged him every day and the lazy afternoons spent playing games together. Yuzu was still dependant on him but had already taken over the cooking and cleaning some time ago, leaving him with more free time than he knew what to do with. He found himself sitting at the riverbank, colder and colder each passing day.

Ichigo was fourteen when he met Chad. The lunches were spent with someone he enjoyed spending time with. Little by little, the walls that stood tall and strong started to crumble.

Ichigo was fifteen when he met Rukia. It changed everything.

Ichigo was fifteen when the shinigami shenanigans started, when Rukia gave him her powers, when he started talking to Ishida and Inoue, when something started spreading in his chest, warm and pleasant, lifting the heaviness he didn't know was there and he felt himself take a breath for the first time in a long, long time. He was fifteen when Rukia was taken and they went to take her back. He was fifteen when Aizen Sousuke betrayed The Gotei 13 and when he kidnapped Inoue.

Ichigo was fifteen when he fought in a war against a madman.

But Ichigo was also fifteen when he met Shinji, all sarcasm and jokes and creepy smiles and someone to depend on. In the back of his mind, Shiro perked and Old man Zangetsu hummed and grins stretched across their faces. They didn't tell him what it was but he knew they liked Shinji enough and dropped it. Ichigo was fifteen when Shiro and Old Man Zangetsu were a constant presence in the back of his mind, he had friends and met Shinji. And for that, he would be forever thankful.

_(But reality was cruel and always snatched the things Ichigo treasured from his fingers.)_

Ichigo was fifteen when he had to rip out two parts of his very soul, his Zanpakutou and Hollow, Shiro and Old man Zangetsu, his, his, _his_ , _forever his_ , and destroy them for the sliver of hope to defeat Aizen and end everything.

  
(Ichigo was fifteen when Tensa looked at him and said all he - _they_ \- wanted was to protect him. He didn't have an answer for this warmth.)

Ichigo was fifteen when he was once again alone. He was fifteen when he clung and clung and clung and clung and went on like nothing was wrong, like nothing changed. He still wasn't enough.

  
(He tried to numb his heart, to ignore the hole left but Shiro and Zangetsu were a part of him, they were his and their loss hurt more than anything)

  
_('Thank you, thank you, thank you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please forgive me. I love you')_

  
(Ichigo finally had an answer for their warmth but there was no one to hear it. He was all alone.)

Ichigo was sixteen and spent the most of his time by himself. In school his thoughts were plunged by memories of smirks, playful banter and warm laughter. The lazy afternoons were spent at the riverbank, recalling old memories, warmth and a soft touch.

  
Ichigo wonders when was the last time someone held him and made him feel safe. He finds himself unable to remember.

~~(But how could that be true when Ichigo remembers Shinji, remembers the strange feeling of _safesafesafehome?_ )~~

(There were nights spent after a nightmare wishing for strong arms to hold him and snarky remarks to silence the voices in his head. He never goes back to sleep.)

Ichigo was sixteen and he was _tired._ The days went by, monochrome and bleak, getting up, avoiding Isshin, going to school, being alone, beating up assholes, sitting at the riverbank and going back home. He tried again and again to hold his walls up but felt himself crumbling. But now he couldn't even bring himself to care. He was tired, plunged by nightmares and old demons and sometimes wondered _why stay?_ He wasn't needed here. Isshin never needed him. His sisters were now old enough to take care of themselves, spending less and less time with him and didn't need his reassurance and protection anymore.

  
_(Something in him hurt but the pain was old and familiar. He ignored it.)_

_(But then he remembers a promise and a soft smile in the place of a smirk and stays. He can wait.)_

Ichigo was seventeen when his sisters were threatened and his ~~former~~ friends put against him and he was alone and powerless once again and desperately tried not to drown.

(Ichigo was fifteen, sixteen, seventeen when he thought about Shinji and the growing fondness and love in his heart and couldn't bring himself to resent him for disappearing for two whole years.)

(Ichigo was seventeen with a reiatsu sword trough him, Shinji holding the handle and felt his heart swell when Shinji dragged him in for a kiss. Still didn't stop him from punching him because _'you were gone for two goddamn years, couldn't you have hurried up you bastard!'_ )

  
(Something in him warms when Shinji yells back but doesn't hide his smile.)

(Ichigo was fifteen when Shinji in a gigai appeared before him and promised to come back.)

(Ichigo was fifteen when Shinji looked him in the eyes and promised to return to him. Just wait a little.)

(And wait did Ichigo do.)

Ichigo was seventeen when he got his powers back. He picked his packed clothes and left the house in the middle of the night. The air was a little cold but the presence in the back of his mind kept him distracted the whole way. When he finally arrived at his destination, the apartment door opened and Shinji stood there. The grin on his face was familiar and something in Ichigo settled.

He was home.


	2. On My Way Home

Shinji is old enough and observant enough whether he puts these observations to use or not. So within the little time Ichigo stayed with him and the other Visored, coupled with the first month of living as a couple, he noticed certain things - the way Ichigo liked to take long hot showers, the days he seemed cold in the warm weather, how he sometimes fidgets and shifts unconsciously. But he just chalked it to the participating in the war, the loss and return of two parts of Ichigo's soul and the time he spent alone for two years.

And didn't Shinji loathe those two years - trapped in the Soul Society, away from Ichigo and trying to find a way to restore his powers and when Kisuke found the way, they had to convince the shinigami to help. Kyōraku may be a bastard but he at least was reasoned with and if not, then he would have definitely lost half of the Gotei. Not that this had stopped them before. And they even had the gall to try recruit him again. Shinji couldn't help but sneer at that arrogance. They dared use Ichigo and throw him away when he wasn't needed. Just like they did to Shinji and the rest of the Visored.

Soul Society may have been home but now it brings nothing but hate to him. He would feel nothing but satisfaction if it burns to the ground. Though he was surprised the ever stoic Kuchiki taicho and a scowling Unohana taicho stood up for Ichigo. (And he is a little terrified - Ichigo was able to sway Unohana, one of the oldest Shinigami, to his side. The vindictive side of him and Sakanade purr at the chaos that this could result to.)

The moment they had the sword ready to restore Ichigo's powers, he took Hinamori with him and later left her with Kisuke and Yoruichi. The poor girl was so unstable and being a Lieutenant at the Fifth didn't do her any good. He doesn't want to be a captain again but he couldn't leave a child like her to wither because of Aizen. And also Ichigo with his bluntness would be good for her and quickly boost her confidence.

So yes, Shinji is old and observant and smart but he is also a petty bastard. He noticed the many times Ichigo held onto him like a lifeline, how he unconsciously touched Shinji whenever he could, how he seemed to thrive every time Shinji threw an arm around him, how the random fidgets started to decrease. He noticed how being utterly alone for two years left his boyfriend surprised at many day-to-day things. Shinji notices this all, remembers what he knows of Ichigo's childhood up to his teenage years and feels his blood boil as pieces click together. Shinji is petty and rightfully furious so the first thing he does after Ichigo moves in with him (and after showering him with affections and apologies for not returning sooner) is to find Isshin and beat him black and blue. It's nowhere near enough to make up for what the bastard did to Ichigo for all these years but only beating him up would not help Ichigo deal with the touch starvation. So Shinji returns home and cuddles with Ichigo for the rest of the day.

Which leads him to where he is now, finally home after talking with Momo-chan, only to find Ichigo curled up in a ball, as if cold, on the coach, wearing something suspiciously similar to one of his dress shirts and trousers. His sleeping face is peaceful, no sign of the ever present scowl, making him look impossibly young.

Shinji blinks. This is... they have certainly used the other's clothes before but now when he thinks about it, Ichigo has really taken to wearing his clothes. It was cute.

A smile creeps on his face and his hollow part purrs. This was good. It has been nearly four months since they started living together and seeing Ichigo so relaxed, covered with his scent, does wonders to his mood. He sits carefully next to Ichigo and runs a hand through his hair. He stirs but leans in and Shinji loves how relaxed he is. Ichigo is a war veteran and Shinji knows nobody leaves a war unscathed, knows how bad he had it with nightmares, how bad he still is. To have him so open and trusting is one of Shinji's greatest joys, one he would never let go.

"Mmm, Shinji? You back?" Sleepy brown eyes look at him as their owner gets up and rests his head on his shoulder and snuggles closer.

"Awww, ya' could have told me ya' wanted cuddles, my dear Ichi-chan~!" He sing-songs, one part teasing, one part really wanting to hug the hell out of his adorable boyfriend.

"W-wha- I, no! I don't-" Red creeps on his face as sleep leaves and Ichigo sputters but Shinji quickly scoops him up and goes to their bedroom. They both fall on the bed and Shinji laughs and laughs as Ichigo scowls but couldn't quite stop the quirk of his lips and settles in Shinji's arms. Ichigo smells like home and Shinji hasn't been happier.


End file.
